Sonja Abrahamsson
was @Sweden (2012-06-11 to 2012-06-17)

My name is Sonja and I’m a 27-year old womanlike human being from northern Sweden. I grew up in a little itsy bitsy village called Latikberg, witch means cloudberry montain in native swedish (samiska?). All people there are relatives and they all own tractors. In the autumn we had to pick up potatoes, in the winter we shoveled snow, in the spring we were confused and the summer forced us into growing thick skin and made us the bad motherf*ckers we are. Because of the big swarms of mosqitos that will drain you on blood until death unless you can take it.

When I was 19 years old I took my stuff (including my boyfriend) and moved to Gothenburg. Then I got pregnant two times in a row. Now I’m a single and low educated mother, but at least I don’t do drugs and prostitution. Instead I have a blog and I write things, and I also talk on national radio from time to time. I dont know what I want to do in the furure. Thinking about the future is not my speciality, apparently. But I’m excited to know if we all die the 21st of December.

I’m happy to leave my ordinary Twitter account @hejsonja (witch means hellosonja) to tweet for @sweden. I’m gonna tweet about my thoughts and being me, about having children and living my life and what not.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 19:37

Even Marie Curie had vaginal fungus. That was what the radium originally was for. It worked. But it killed her.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 19:34

Vaginal fungus is nothing to be ashamed of. Its common throughout history. Poccahontas had it. Poccahontas cured it with corn.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 19:14

The first time I had vaginal fungus I suspected I had syphilis and were doomed to die as deaf and confused as Beethoven.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 15:27

As a teenager I could spend so much time with the HAIR. Now my hair is like some kind of blanket I only care to wash if it stinks.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 12:20

I love that movie-thing when they make a torch out of a stick and a teared off sleeve and it like.. burns for five weeks.

@Sweden juni 17, 2012 11:16

My daughter wanted to load the pictures to the computer, so she put the camera into the scanner. Total grandma style

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 23:54

Go go go… go shawty, its yo birthday, we gonna party like its yo birthday we gonna go to China like its your birthday

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 23:50

My son asked when we are going to China. I said dunno, maybe never. He said we better go to China, cause tomorrow its my birthday.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 23:20

I heard firecrackers and a whistle, in 30 sec it was like le wildest carnival going on outside. Almost feel like testing for hepatitis now

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 20:01

My chocolate was soaking wet. Asked my son if he had to drool all over it. His like that’s not my saliva mom, its swet.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 19:13

At my school we used to ski after the snowmobile for miles and miles. I was like 20 yo when I realized not all kids did that.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 17:28

One of the biggest pleasures during potato-picking-season was to throw rotten potatoes in the faces of your loved ones.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 16:14

When I moved to the city I realized people got a quite distant view upon death here. Its not a natural part of life. Its a constant threat.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 15:17

It looked like a wing placed in what appeared to me as one of my moms sauces, but I knew it wasn’t, even though her sauce was disgusting.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 15:03

As a kid I once took a dead bird, placed it in a plastic bag, dug it down. After a few weeks, dug it up, just to see what it looked like.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 14:37

You may think it sounds harsh but I think its much worse only seeing dead animals packaged and price tagged in the grocery store freezer.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 14:31

I remember me and my friend poking the moose brain with sticks just to see how it all looked when it fell out on the ground.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 14:27

Some days when I got home from school there was a big fat pig cut open in the garage, and blood all over the floor.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 14:27

Where I come from dead animals was part of the daily life. I remember the hunting season how me and my friend played with a cut moose head.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 13:06

Peops who think I want to get rid of the beard-hair for all eternity, that is not the case. Usually its a delight to pull it out of the face

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 12:39

I just shaved myself in the face because of an annoying beard-hair. It started out as fun but then I began to feel like Tom Jones.

@Sweden juni 16, 2012 11:26

Why do we call people with orange hair ”redheads”? Its like calling the teeth a tongue. Just because their close doesn’t make it right.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 20:08

I’ve got severe body issues. I don’t think its ugly or anything. But it can’t fly, can’t shapeshift, can’t shoot laser beems into space.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 19:12

People.. of course I will not eat the uterus. You should know at this point I hated that dish. I have never eaten on McD btw! High five!

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 18:48

I don’t want any more kids, Im thinking about ripping the uterus out and eat it. But if I had another baby, it would be with Lil Wayne.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 18:01

In sweden f**** and *beep* is a lot worse than fuck and shit. I guess that doesn’t make any sense to the americans.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 16:38

When I look at our medeavel castle I think of the times when there was kings and queens in this country. Then I realize there still is.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 16:04

Outside the Kungälv authority center there is living a bench bum. My kids walked up to him and said ”are you the one running this place?”

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 15:45

I have a russian friend. He told me they don’t do ”fuck you” in Russia. But they have a equivalent gesture. My eyes almost burned.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 15:39

The whole movies credibility was questioned. ”If they didn’t do Fuck you gestures 1912.. how can we trust the boat really hit that iceberg?”

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 15:38

Do you remember when Jack Dawson did fuck you in the movie Titanic, and everyones like ”did Fuck you-gestures really exist 1912?”

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 14:58

One of my sons main interest is to smell on spices. He loves curry and cinnamon, but one of his most unexpected honeys is salt.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 14:40

When people commit crimes in sweden we are all like ”omg! why! this person needs our care!!”. If it works as it should…

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 13:54

For the last time, I did NOT learn my english in prison. If I did, I would be much better of. Did you know we have tweeting prisoners?

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 13:48

In Sweden we are discussing where to banish our gender. We have not come up with an agreement yet. We don’t want a new Sparta.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 13:31

Just kidding my first words in english were ”who, the, fuck, are, you, I, live, in, sweden, speak, swedish, please, finnish, and, leave”

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 13:24

I still remember the first words I had to memorize in english: who, are, you, live, in, sweden, speak, swedish, finnish, and, too”

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 12:55

When you use singular they, does that fit good in the mouth? Do you like ”aw yeah this is a gender-neutral pronoun everyone totally gets!”?

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 12:51

Ok folks, you can’t use ”it” on a person. People is writing heartbreaking books about how it is to be called ”it”. + its a horrifying clown

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 11:19

Have to go check on my kids. Yesterday they told me they took a shit on the lawn but they were just mindfucking me.

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 11:09

It just hit me. CNN called me a Justin Bieber-hater, but not even one of his fans have shown up to kick my ass. Zero. None. Nothing!

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 02:13

Did you know the word pink means urine in swedish? And urine for you, is kiss for us. English kiss translates puss in swedish. Puss puss

@Sweden juni 15, 2012 00:33

When people say they ”love blondes” you feel like someones favorite dog. They love schnauzers and you happens to be a schnauzer. Yeey.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 23:22

I have a beard-hair on my cheek and Im trying to pull it away but can’t grasp it. And I don’t want to shave it. Im feelin powerless.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 19:52

I always thought he was from france because of his name, Asanshhhh. At first I always said it like ”Lasagna”. Thought he was italian.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 18:47

When he and he’s sister is eating breakfast we have to build a wall made of serial boxes between them. He shall not se the youghurtmouth

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 18:45

My son is having a kind of a puking-problem. If he sees a ”yoghurt mouth” I almost need to call an exorcist on he’s behalf.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 18:30

If my kids fall and get hurt I sometimes scream like ”DID YOU JUST SLIDE IN YOUR OWN PUKE”, and they forget the pain and become happy.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 17:19

The kids are watching Italian tutorials on youtube. Right now its ”mixing colours”. Its an obvious case of a bad dub. They are laughing.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 14:47

In sweden we often win ”honor” as first price in competitions. Sometimes its even our payment for a job. How is it in other countries?

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 14:42

When I said my daunthers portrait of her brother was cute, I actually meant it looked like Peter Griffins inbreeded grandson.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 13:32

Someone is using me as a reason not to hand over Assange. But its not like I would do anything to him. Maybe give him a cracker.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 12:51

@ceztko you can start training with your driving when you’re 16 but you can’t get the license til 18. Its VERY expensive. I can’t afford it

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 12:50

My kids went to a enviroment-aware daycare. All the other parents had cars. When they saw me on my bike they were embarrassed of themselves.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 12:39

Ive got no driver license so I have to bicycle everywhere, all days of the year. Once I bicycled me and my kids through the perfect storm.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 12:11

My son starred in my face and said ”LOOK! Can you see my zombie eyes! Can you see them!”. I did. Or maybe it was a squirrel on coke.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 09:23

One of the better things with my neighbourhood is the concrete blocks preventing fast driving scooters to kill the kids.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 02:18

And I don’t have much of a choice. Its the basement or outside in the nasty Swedish west coast weather made of Saurons breath.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 02:15

But I still keep my stuff there. Whoever did this, never damage my stuff, even though I took all drugs once. Thats almost beautiful.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 01:51

I used to think it was so strange I was the only one having any stuff in the bicycle-room. There is like 50 apartments here.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 01:18

The policeman took the drugs, but he left the porn on a shelf in my hall. I guess he thought I wanted to keep the porn.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 01:00

A policeman came to pick it up. I told him my son found it. ”Did you find this?” he asked my son. My son just said ”no”, in a calm tone.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:59

After a lot of thinking I called the police. The apartment was smelling so much the kids almost had nosebleeds and I am their role model.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:54

I took the porn and marijuana out of he’s innocent hands and asked him if he wanted to talk about it. He just said ”no”.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:50

My son was sitting in the wagon when I saw he was holding the porn. He’s like ”what is she doing?” in a very calm tone.

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:46

At first I wasn’t completely sure what it was. I mean… I had my suspicions.. but… It was just so… unexpected?

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:43

Once my 4-yearold found Marijuana and porn in my bicycle-wagon. I keep that wagon in our basement. That was a little odd wasn’t it?

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:16

OMG. I always thought their name was System of a DAWN. You know. The morning-glory time. Its DOWN!? That doesn’t even sound magical!!

@Sweden juni 14, 2012 00:11

Before I used to believe System of a Dawn were singing about aryals in the sky. Now I know its about antennas. Still doesn’t make sense.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 22:19

In english you say ”balls” about someone who is brave. In sweden we say ”labia”. Example: ”You surely showed some real heroic labia there”

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 21:49

I hate awkward situations. Like when you have to say hi to everyone on a party. Its fucking social chinese water torture.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 18:13

The dinner was horrible. It felt like eating your way through a shaved vikings chest, while he’s trying to kill you.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 16:12

I know a stupid saying you got in America: ”Blame it on the boogie”. In Sweden we blame things on sunshine and moonlight.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 15:56

I know this don’t knowing-thing is getting SO old but: I don’t know anything about Justin Bieber. Once I heard him scream ”baby” thats all.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 15:54

Where did CNN get the idea I hate Justin Bieber!? All I said was that in Sweden we are accepting people who likes him.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 15:24

In sweden we have a saying: There is no stupid questions, only stupid answers. Do you have that saying in your countries as well?

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 15:24

In sweden we have a saying: There is no stupid questions, only stupid answers. Do you have that saying in your countries as well?

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:29

I hate Susan in Desperate housewife. I always wanted her to get run over by a truck. Or a plane. Even a boat had worked fine.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:25

Zooey Deschanel in New girl is like the painful offspring of Susan in Desperate Housewifes and the mom in Gilmore Girls.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:25

Zooey Deschanel in New girl is like the painful offspring of Susan in Desperate Housewifes and the mom in Gilmore Girls.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:22

Maybe i go totally out of border now. But do you know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand Zooey Deschanel in New Girl.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:22

Maybe i go totally out of border now. But do you know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand Zooey Deschanel in New Girl.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:20

I think Im talking on the behalf of all the Swedish citizen when I say that Happy Feet is probably the worst movie ever.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 13:20

I think Im talking on the behalf of all the Swedish citizen when I say that Happy Feet is probably the worst movie ever.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:54

I just watched the Colbert-thing. That guy is crazy, he threw a telephone over his shoulder like it wasn’t worth a shit to him.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:26

They doesn’t say anything about that risk on their homepage. They just say its ”fun for all ages”. Witch is just a bunch of bullshit.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:23

You should really go to Liseberg. But not with a newborn colicbaby in summerseason. If you do, maybe you fucking kill yourself.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:15

The secret behind my foldable breasts is pregnancy and breastfeeding. If I didn’t have my kids, i wouldt be as awesome as I am today.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:12

But I found my breastfolding Nemesis in one of my best friends. Yes I did. She puts her breasts in her own face as easy as she ties a bow.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:07

A lot of females emailed me, struggling with their breastfolding. I told them to give it a few years. And maybe some breastfeeding.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 12:06

I started a trend were swedes everywhere folded their breasts. Some swedes couldn’t (maybe most of them). They went very sad.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 11:47

I don’t know who this Colbert person is, but I haven’t got the courage to ask. I have a feeling I should know already.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 09:17

I can’t afford having homophobia. Maybe one or both of my kids are homosexuals. I mean, its possible. I wouldn’t be surprised.

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 07:41

Good morning tweetnam! Why don’t you say exactly what you think my opinions are, and I tell you true or false, while I go on with my tweetin

@Sweden juni 13, 2012 01:19

Can I call this day a ”Nürnberg experience”? Probably not. Honestly – I didn’t know. Nuff of this shit now. Good night!

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 19:49

Ok, Im taking care of kids and cleaning right now. The mess on da social media aint nothing compared to the floor in da kids room.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 15:28

The question seems to be sensitive and complicated. And a little bit…..… infected. So…. yes. See you later, I have stuff to do!

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 15:04

I thought it was a good idea to ask the question when so many well educated people all over the world can answer. But no. Bad idea.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 15:04

I thought it was a good idea to ask the question when so many well educated people all over the world can answer. But no. Bad idea.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:59

Im sorry if some of you find the question offensive. Thats was not my purpose. I just don’t get why some people hates jews so much.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:59

Im sorry if some of you find the question offensive. Thats was not my purpose. I just don’t get why some people hates jews so much.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:53

Where I come from there is no jews. I guess its a religion. But why were the nazis talking about races? Was it a blood-thing (for them)?

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:46

Once I asked a co-worker what a jew is. He was ”part jew”, whatever that means. He’s like ”uuuuh… jews are.. uh.. well educated..?”

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:43

In nazi German they even had to sew stars on their sleeves. If they didn’t, they could never now who was a jew and who was not a jew.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 14:41

Whats the fuzz with jews. You can’t even see if a person is a jew, unless you see their penises, and even if you do, you can’t be sure!?

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 09:06

I bet your moms have done the same with you, if she didn’t get a c-section because your heads were too big to fit.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 08:38

When me & my daughter went to her school we met a man who walked very strange. She: hes walking like… My brother!! And damn she was right.

@Sweden juni 12, 2012 08:16

If someone likes Justin Bieber in Sweden, we dont care. We let them. We dont call him ”gay” if we mean ”he sucks”. We say ”he sucks”.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 21:59

It was made of pig liver. I don’t know what to say. At least its not 100% pig liver. Its like… 2% pig liver, the rest is something else.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 21:51

I go to the kitchen and read on the liver pâté-label right now. What animal suffered massive deaths to give me this industrial liver pâté?

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 21:37

Before WW2 Hitler was one of the most beautiful names in the whole wide world. I know. Its as chocking as dolphin rapists.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 20:40

Did I just compare my children to roses!? Omg. Roses smells like an old ladys bathroom!! My kids are more like… I don’t know. Horses?

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 20:33

My kids are sleeping now. I can’t believe they were kicking each others ass earlier. They are so… sweet and quiet. Like… roses or something

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 19:04

Its the first time my kids sees a printer. They’re like ”LISTEN!! Its music!! But look! Theres paper! WITH TEXT OMGOMGOMG”

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 18:26

Sometimes I got a feeling that a celeb is doing something. For example Adam Sandler just bought a carpet. Can I make something out of this?

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 17:25

Dinner with ma kids. Gonna give them all my focus for a couple of hours. Earlier they were naked, throwing wet tennisballs at each other.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 15:16

Once I had a strong feeling that Swedens royal princess Madeleine had an abortion. I was all like ”oh boy now the fetus is gone”.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 15:08

When my mom was as old as I am, she had FOUR kids. I dont know if her pelvis were made of steel, or made of broken rubbers.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:47

If you mixed Snowwhite with Seven, maybe Snowwhite would have fucked one dwarf a day with a knife dildo. I wouldn’t watch that movie though

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:44

Now I have to go fetch my daughter at her school. I haven’t seen my kids for SEVEN days. Thats like.. a movie with Brad Pitt or something

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:26

My name is Sonja, that means ”wise person”. I am born in the sign of Aquarius. That means ”genius”. So. Im a wise ass genius motherfucker.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:13

If bras was a symbol for woman constraining themselves to please men… in todays view, thats one far-fetched symbol.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:04

I dont get that feminist thing about burning the bra. Or maybe its just swedish woman who did that in the 70′s?

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 13:04

I dont get that feminist thing about burning the bra. Or maybe its just swedish woman who did that in the 70′s?

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 12:56

In sweden KREATUR means domestic animal. So when you say ”beautiful creature” im thinking about meatloaf. Both the singer and the food.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 12:10

When I bicykled to the store a fly hit me in the eye and a tree slapped my face like a bitch. Maybe it was God.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 11:54

I have never ben south of Sweden. I don’t like traveling. I don’t don’t like that stinky hot sun everyone seems to adore.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 11:06

I seriously need to get some eggs before I starve like an African child. Even if its not possible. In Sweden we have great social security.

@Sweden juni 11, 2012 10:36

Im tweeting from KUNGÄLV! We are most famous for our crackers, a stone castle and a boy called John Hron, killed by young nazis.