Staffan Melin
was @Sweden (2013-01-14 to 2013-01-20)

30 year old guy running three companies by day, and sometimes also by night. I occasionally sleep too.

Three years ago I started a small specialist firm called Require, together with a former colleague. We focus on helping companies making their Requirements Management process more streamlined and effective. For people in Sweden interested in Requirements Management (one day you all will be, hopefully) we also run www.kravbloggen.se and www.kravdagen.se.

I also write music for computer games (and some films). So to all parents, yes I am the guy responsible for all the noise coming from your livingroom. No need to thank me though. The look in your eyes as you stare at the ceiling, sleepless after hearing the same loop over and over again on a saturday is enough for me.
The best review I’ve ever received was “this sounds like it was written by Satan’s own lift music composer”. I don’t know whether or not there are lifts in hell, but it sounds like a lucrative market and I plan to check it out.

I live by myself in an apartment in central Stockholm. No kids, no pets, no cigarettes. Apart from work I’m doing some hobby dj-ing, playing various instruments and write all these awesome hit songs you’ve never heard of and never will. My tweets are mostly nonsense, though I try to include a subtle serious touch to it. I’m not even close to as pretentious as that sounded, I promise.

When not tweeting here you’ll find me at @gummidjuret.

@Sweden January 19, 2013 18:41

I just realised tomorrow is my last day here. I’m going to miss each and everyone of you 68000 followers. Even the dudes with pretty hats.

@Sweden January 19, 2013 17:58

So, saturday night. What’s the plan for the evening people? I’m going to a dinner and then I will be out stalking you again.

@Sweden January 19, 2013 09:58

Good morning! 9am and not quite as fresh as I was a few hours ago. Didn’t really report well last night. Will do tonight instead.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 20:57

.@Caspita_1989 See this is a lie! Loads of girl from india/usa/canada that I’ve been tweeting with looks absolutely gorgeous.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 20:50

If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 more spots in my 100 people membership club for guys with girl problems.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 18:47

Since it’s friday and I’ve been abusing this account for too long, I will post a few pictures to “show you Sweden and my life”.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 18:12

HAHA someone just told me there’s this thing called “going out” and that’s just stupid, how do they get passed the locked basement door?

@Sweden January 18, 2013 17:49

You know when you’re at a party and tell this awesome joke, but no one is laughing, because it isn’t really a party and you’re home. Alone.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 16:40

After the leak of the famous tape “A night in Paris”, here’s the new hot tape from Hollywod – “Just in Bieber”.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 15:19

Swedes are great listeners. We’ve heard you like some of the old curators, and would like to see more tweets from them in English.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 13:46

One thing I’ve been thinking about is what’s going on in the Cluedo house? I mean Mrs White did it with the dagger in the dining room?

@Sweden January 18, 2013 12:09

.@SlingTrebuchet They say if you put a 1000 monkeys behind a 1000 typewriters and keep them there, you’ll probably go to jail.

@Sweden January 18, 2013 00:35

Wow! A 100 goodnight stories in little under 3 minutes. Now I’ll have to stay up all night reading them. Not exactly the effect I wanted.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 19:35

Dont worry guys. Like, 5 out of nearly 1500 mentions have been negative. If I had that ratio in real life I’d be the luckiest man alive.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 19:20

.@prattdiv I’m 300+ followers since I started. Self indulgent? What have I ever said to you dude? Let me know what upsets you so much.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 19:16

So, the dog is a man’s best friend. Apparently I have no best friend and I hate almost all your best friends. Good to know.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 16:58

Not much love on Twitter today, with lots of unfollows. What are we upset about? Care to share? I’m great at pretending to listen.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 16:55

I have invented a word for you people writing hundreds of tweets without having a clue of what you’re talking about – Ignorants.

@Sweden January 17, 2013 13:25

My mom always said I could be anything. This makes me sad because that’s a really stupid thing to say, and now I have those genes in me.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 23:55

It’s getting late here. Good night and remember you should follow your dreams. So it would be awesome if you dreamed about sending me money.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 22:03

Ok so by request from a follower from the beautiful Netherlands, I will from this point only tweet about my work and Stockholm

@Sweden January 16, 2013 18:39

My best pickup line is ”You know what they say about guys with small hands” and flash my hands. Oh, also, I’m a virgin.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 11:47

Speaking of dinosaurs – In the uncut version of Jurassic Park, I swear the professor once mimes “I’m bringing Rexy back, yeah”.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 10:02

The dinosaurs didn’t die, but instead invented a time machine and in 5 years they’ll show up and be all ”Hey, we’ve been waiting for you”.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 09:53

3rd day today. Let’s start the day with alternative theories to everything from the death of dinosaurs to Cher’s lovelife.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 00:29

Time to make a serious attempt at sleeping. Day 2 was just as good as day 1, apart from the accident. You guys are great. See you tomorrow.

@Sweden January 16, 2013 00:22

I have just proven that it’s impossible to predict the future. One hour ago I was sure I’d be asleep by now. This did not happen. At all.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 23:18

Seriously – Respect to all animals making their way through life without opposable thumbs. It’s impossible to do anything right here.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 20:52

Sorry for not replying to all of you but I get like a 100 mentions and I’m handicapped for a while. Will try to solve this.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 20:39

Ok so I just severely cut my right thumb on a kitchen knife. Can’t use it to press the spacebar. This tweet took like 20 minutes to write.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 19:36

If I ever had a friend named Mark, whenever he said something I’d go “was that a question, Mark?” until we were no longer friends.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 19:11

You’ve been so good I want to give something back. So – ask me anything about anything and I will straighten it out for you. Starting now!

@Sweden January 15, 2013 17:16

Ok EVERYONE is asking me about the train accident. I think she had a really loco motive and is a pioneer when it comes to YOLO.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 17:04

This was also drawn in green & red so get your 3d glasses out and go see a movie or something, cause there’s nothing 3d about this pic.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 15:11

Ok, so how about you entertain me for a bit? Send me your best links. Winner gets a personal tour of my basement (exit not included).

@Sweden January 15, 2013 14:13

There’s this furniture shop called Home, and I don’t get why they don’t put a sign on all display furniture saying ”Don’t try this at Home”.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 12:31

The food tastes just as good, but you won’t get that rewarding feeling of 3 random persons approving your food with a like button click.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 11:47

Just read about gloryholes for some reason and they remind me of whales because 1. blowholes (obviously) and 2. Free willy.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 11:47

Just read about gloryholes for some reason and they remind me of whales because 1. blowholes (obviously) and 2. Free willy.

@Sweden January 15, 2013 10:06

Idea: I’ll name my kid “Fire”. So when he goes to school, all the teachers can tell the other kids “not to play with Fire”.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 22:52

People that just assumes I’m single, without taking just 1 minute to get to know me, or my stamp collection, or my level 1000 wow account.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 21:46

By popular demand, fun fact about the Swedish ferret: They are great listeners. Unfortunately they can’t talk, so this ability is useless.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 19:24

So, I need to visit the real world for a few hours. You’ve been great, I will continue to tell you about the truths of life ™ soon.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 18:38

As you can see, I used green and red. This means that if you put on 3D glasses and look at this picture for 1m, you have serious problems.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 14:57

Actually, if you all could send me your address and your biggest secret that would be great. It’s for this black mail thing I’m doing.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 14:50

Ok wow. Will never be able to reply to all these mentions, but rest assure I make notes of where you live, just in case I need to stalk you.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 11:49

I wonder how my employess feel about me not having time for their questions “because I’m doing something very important here”.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 11:49

I wonder how my employess feel about me not having time for their questions “because I’m doing something very important here”.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 11:26

“We found love in a hopeless place” and I had no idea Rihanna was in my apartment??? Let alone found Chris Brown there?

@Sweden January 14, 2013 11:03

I’m getting some tweets in german and I have no idea if it means “you’re awesome” or if it’s a plan to invade my house.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 10:54

Idea: Dress someone as Waldo and have the google car take a photo. Then Google Earth will be the biggest Where’s Waldo ever seen.

@Sweden January 14, 2013 10:20

I’ve been thoroughly tested on animals and they all LOVED it. Except for a badger, but he’s a total jerk and I hate him.