After finishing high school with questionable grades, I discovered that nobody cared about them anyway. Since then I have been an editor for Lista.se, managed a book club and been a self-employed writer, marketer and lecturer on social media and web culture. Ever since I discovered that nobody takes the latter subject seriously in Sweden, I’ve done my best to bring it to light. The result so far is that nobody takes me seriously, which is okay I guess, since my eyebrows are too funny anyway. I also dole out daily wisdoms on Twitter, write for the Swedish news blog Ajour and market with Bloggbyrån. But being 22 and having no education—what the hell, I might as well have ended up cleaning sewers. I normally tweet as @kwasweb.
Jack Wernerwas @sweden 2011-12-10 to 2011-12-18
Jack Werner's Feed
Next week's Curator describes himself as "Your crooked guide to the Swedish suburbian safari." Starting Monday morning!
Now - bye folks!
I want to end this beautiful week with reveal Swedens most well-kept secret, a dark, terrible fact of awe that weve been protecting for ages
If you understand swedish and still think I'm remotely interesting, follow me on @kwasbeb. I'll be just as childish and stupid over there.
I've had a blast the last week, an I hope you haven't become totally tired of my old man fart jokes. You guys are the best!
Ok folks. In five minutes, they'll pull the plug on me. I guess this is good bye.
@cfs yeah that'll only cost like one million kronor and I've got 12 on my account, can totally do it!
@RomanaCorreale oh there's a lot of them! But Esbjörn Svenssons Trio and Detektivbyrån are two favorites - look them up!
@WWBugs the people behind this idea called me and asked if I wanted to. And that's about it.
@MWRamsis I'm actually working with people reporting on the development in the MENA countries - so I'm doing my best!
@aridux a computer game that's really great. You should look it up on YouTube, search for "portal ending song"
@scaryduck that's the second suggestion that I should declare war on someone I've got. Do I look that much as a Viking?
@WWBugs I'm sure the following people will make me look like as interesting as a cheese sandwich, bro
@uaberu I'm way to tired. How about just drinking a glass of water and write dry tweets on the weather instead?
@Wonder7orma oh that would be awesome but I'm sorry - the law of nature demands me to move on
@karalombard I will contemplate all of your genius ideas, it's just so hard to find out which the best one is!
@Wikichipi haha love your logic. "what's the worst things there is? 2. Fapping on twitter 1. Justin Bieber"
@mbwilston1 dude, I've gained like 3000 followers the last two days, wouldn't it be unnecessary to loose all of them now?
@turbohat oh, my knowledge of what teachers that are needed in Swedish schools is limited, to say the least. But give it a shot?
@astonadam it's not a job, it's just a fun thing for a week. I got it cause the dudes behind the account found me fitting, I guess.
@NikkiGuest I'd love to! Helvete=hell, snopp=dick, bajskorv=turd, rumphål=anus and "det luktar prutt"="it smells like fart".
So, one hour and twenty minutes left on my time as the international twitter spokesman for Sweden. What should I do, you guys?
@GeniusRocket I'd say both. Or at least, I've succeeded in forfilling both during this week.
@MattGillian uuh, I'd say like the techno, electro and dancehall people. Thats really an elite in their own.
@filmcore haha thank you! I would have to be reborn as princess Victorias kid though, and then I would have to die before she gave birth.
@gvunson probably not, sadly. I've got a private twitter, but I only tweet in Swedish there though. But thanks for liking me, really!
@MsTeratophilia i guess. It's like anal sex - probably really strange, but at least you should try cause you might be sick enough to like it
@MsTeratophilia oh my god. I'm sorry but I can't be held responsible for that. That sounds very very weird.
Listening to my hungover friend Lydia explaining why The Notebook is such a bad movie: http://t.co/RHOW93hp
@bollibolshevik all of it. I can follow and unfollow who I want, and tweet whatever I want (as long as, you know, its not totally fucked up)
@dakuten youre welcome! Good luck, and I hope to see you here speaking Swedish like a native some day!
@joshleaves that's bull shit! Both women- and manizers should get to represent their country. Or as in my case: snacksizers.
@uaberu mate, what are you talking about? We left tons of runestones down there back in the days, just find one and make a few minor changes
@uaberu oh come on won't you guys at least raise a runestone to tell the tale of my life and death? I was a twitter king for a week, dammit!
@Lexeme that was supposed to go *aaw schuck*, as I'm sure you understand. And I'll miss you too!
@uaberu my hours on the throne is counted. Tonight, a coupe will overthrow me and make way for a new king of Twitter. And I will be forgot.
@ManInTheField nope. But they keep an eye on me, and if I crossed the line they would hunt me down and erase what godless stuff I've tweeted
@bollibolshevik yeah I'm just trying to keep an eye on my nations areas of interest, you know?
Wasting a day on pizza and BF3 is like masturbating: feels great while you're at it, but later you're like "what am I doing with my life?"
@MrHighFidelity you're welcome, it's my job this week. And I'm just having fun. Hope I'll see you around here in Sweden anytime soon !
@RSKingBohemian that's wonderful, hope you'll have the opportunity to visit again sometimes soon
@CarolineCajo thanks! Be sure to tag along longer - I think people taking over this account in the coming weeks may actually be interesting
@taip that's awesome! But dude, you know that the dough that you make pepparkakor out of is way better then the actual pepparkakor, right?
Picture in the last tweet collected from Reddit, btw. The best place on the web there is.
@karalombard oh, I understand your motif and its great - but the thing is, this twitter profile says who it his that temporarily control it.
@karalombard probably not! I think you can drop that (currently Jack)-thing, though. It's pretty clear to most of our followers I think.
These Wikipedia top banners really creates fun opportunities for someone with a sense of humor like my own: http://t.co/8OYiuIzA
@karalombard i have no problems with a), but I'm afraid that b) would render you with mould in your letter box - hence, can't do that c)
@karalombard I'd say that every woman represents that group, the same way me and every man represents the "potential fat grumpy fart"-group
@AnnFollin oh really? Actually that would have been awesome, but I'm busy tomorrow. Thanks for inviting though!
@karalombard I think so, yes. I'd say you own the account for a week, and can do whatever you want with it.
@whoradio oh you did not! What did you say? Is there a possibility to listen to it online? For science, you know.
@skjutsgruppen well, since I'm just in possession of this account til tomorrow evening, I guess that'll be hard. But thanks for the offer!
@LadyTealeaf eh, don't know their name in English, but like saffron buns. Traditional Swedish Christmas bakery.
@jonnatolonen well I don't know. I actually know pretty few Finns, but most of them are chilled-out. Do you know the Finnish rapper Gracias?
Tried to win today's Internet through a cute picture of my family's cat, but he wasn't really ok with it: http://t.co/VaEfFtlF
@LoukasX I'm sure I'll be free! Just mail me at jack at kwasbeb dot se, and we'll come up with a date
Fully engaged in the Swedish traditional Christmas time (juletid) baking with the family - aren't they adorable? http://t.co/NxRhhFfD
@NoBigGovDuh yeah I know, but that's what some people think of me. And I think it's only fair to tell new aquaitances that, don't you?
Just so you know, "juletid" is the over-the-top ridiculous Swedish word for "Christmas time". Use it wisely.
@Brosner85 thank you! It's just stopped raining and started snowing instead, but I expect it to have melted away in like an hour or so.
@MyCaricature me to. Actually, now it's snowing though. But I don't expect it to be all like winter wonderland in five minutes.
@The_CheshireKat ohhhh you should so try out a Christmas with snow! It's an entirely different setting!
@EDDIEDURKAN jag vet inte om jag berätta det, nej. Vad är det svåra, att hitta bostad eller att trivas här?
@mtsw yeah, we've got a special bond going on here you and me, right? Well let me ask you then: what do you honestly think about Iceland?
@ajlinacor yes, as the most honest pictures of night life often are. I think that's why I like it, as a matter of fact!
@marite83 I barely don't. But our summers are absolutely amazing, they totally make up for the winters.
@journeytv well I love you! Or, that is, by I love you I mean TV's that play Journey songs all the time... Just to be clear....
So, I woke up and walked over to the window, just to discover it's raining like crazy. This is how that makes me feel: http://t.co/4H3Hcob6
Well, that's that for this hectic day. It's 3 am in Sweden now, and I'm signing off. Thank you all for an awesome night - seeya tomorrow!
@edzpecial you should! And she should! A state-sponsored travelling agency that just served visitors of Sweden, I mean, now that's an idea!
A Facebook friend of mine captured tonights best pic, titled "Stockholm metro wishes everybody a Merry Christmas!": http://t.co/bGeueqVu
@EdLoh actually, we don't have a really fitting equivalent. But I'd say "skithäftigt" or something.
This is really one of the best outcomes of my roaming here I've seen today, but you have to be a redditor to get it: http://t.co/LkA7SwfU
@River_Stream yeah I know but then you get that "do I really want to identify myself with these people" feeling...
@CH23_ well, right now, you're actually not missing out. No snow. Rain. But dark 20 hours a day. Thats not a good december.
Never understood the concept of clubs. You're sweaty among people you don't like, and that's it. It's like the concentration camps of fun.
@missorian I told my girlfriend that and she totally bought it! I have a beer in my hand as we speak! Awesome!
@LAeditor I think it is actually! Its a creole restaurant that serves amazing new Orleans inspired food. And the beer is bought!
@delilahjesinkey you should google "twitter Sweden jack Werner". You'll find material in your language. Be sure to read Gizmodos piece.
@thatdavidhooper haha and be like "see this iPhone? It's not an iPhone - its a fucking private army! Stay back brah!"
@JoshVanSlam i would! But try explaining the value of social media transparency to a bunch of drunken bros, that's not ideal.
@JKSthlm yeah I'm huge now, right? I'm sure I'll have get to have concerts at Barkarby Centrum all the time!
People think I'm a huge loser cause I'm standing lonely staring in my phone on a bar. But I don't care. That's how much I love you guys!
So, this is me and my girlfriend. We're like, hi, good to meet you, uh, how are you doing. You, know, that kinda stuff: http://t.co/cyvdisJe
So here we are, at Marie Laveau, one of Stockholms better restaurants/bars: http://t.co/tHNeadOe Whaddaya say, should I buy myself a beer?
@thatdavidhooper yeah, kinda hectic right now to answer all, with mashable and all - but I'm trying my best with that as well
This has been my hangout today: the hostel ship Rygerfjord. It's awesome, if you visit Stockholm you should stay there! http://t.co/lNhDYpuF
I guess Mashable discovered us now. A bit hectic over here. I think I'll just go buy myself a beer.
@mysteryaction your, good sir, have a really interesting taste if it's me and Abba that's your favourite things about Sweden
So, things are starting to cool down now. So what do you say, should I like go out and have a beer and report to you about what happens?
Hey guys, when does the narwhal bacon?
@squidwardspeaks I'll answer you in a "crazy ass motherfucker"-manner: heck yeah, you're darn tootin'!
@RunonAwesome personally I love it! like a greek drama, with familys falling apart in front of your eyes.
I absolutely love @gizmodo's head line on me. This is just how I imagined getting my international break-through: like an avid masturbator.
@HannaHales yeah you should eat at Marie Laveu, shop in sofo and have a coffee at drop coffee, mariatorget. Google it for more info!
Im boycotting smileys, since they are to your language what drugs can be to your life: fun first, but all of a sudden you're just disgusting
@Gyro321 well I don't like apple pie either? Or is that some kind of secret language for something?
@BenPerLee I know, that's like a parody. Or "Bernt". Or "Sigvard" or "Fjörksump". Actually, I just made that last one up myself.
@camilla_loyolla Södermalm, south part of town, easily! Great food, great folks, great everything. You should stay on the hostel Rygerfjord!
@Gyro321 nah, I'm kinda cool. I think Iran is like an emo kid: misunderstood and thus angry at everybody.
@ljkropp well, there's always that I guess. But still, you would get the same in your own fridge...
@AndrewBrackin well, no, we already got one. But I guess you might say "head geek", or something.
@Jos_Jacob it's great but rainy. Ordinarily, it's snowing now but now it's not, it sucks. Well, I'm thinking about getting drunk.
So, @time mentioned me. I don't know how many of you that ever got mentioned by someone with 3 million followers, but it's kinda intense.
@jkozuch selection process, and they wanted me to be first. So that I could embarrass us before it became a big deal, I guess.
@KC_theDonDada this is the best tweet I've ever got. Dude, what I think about Americans is that you'd ordinarily write stuff like that.
@jkozuch I'm seriously having the time of my life dude. I mean, even serbian papers have been writing about it.
@servman well that's a shame. My South Park-dominated impression of Canada is otherwise more, should we say dewy-eyed.
@PelleSK dude, I'm Sweden! If I say no, then there's no turning back! There will be no Justin in Sweden, rejoice!
@servman well, this accounts main target group is like, not swedes. So I think that's pretty reasonable, don't you agree?
If you want the same experience but cheaper, my tip is to just get drunk in your refrigerator.
You pay like $50, and for that you get one (1) Absolute Vodka drink to enjoy in the freezing cold.
Oh yeah, meant to tell you this earlier but forgot: if you ever come to Stockholm, do not - I repeat, do not - visit that worthless Ice Bar.
@ccombs love it! We are a country rich in web knowledge, but strangly enough still with poor web culture. We need all jokesters we've got.
@Citabel att jag ska representera Sverige, i egenskap av faktiskt vanlig svensk, denna vecka. Nästa vecka är det en annan representant.
@TDefren so my jokes here are not as subtle as they ordinarily would be. But I'm trying my best!
@TDefren but that was great too! About the profanities: when you tweet in a language that's not your own, you tend to lower your standards.
@TDefren oh man, I was actually expecting a real love song, you know like backed with a guitar and stuff.
@JeroenBartelse why welcome, dear sir! I hope you'll have a splendid time following my/our tweets.
@rivalg I guess I'm drinking a lot of coffee, lighting my face up with my laptop and hanging out w friends. Oh and, you know, masturbation.
@gvunson oh I'm sticking to the ordinary food times. It's not like we hibernate during winter, we just feel a bit like cave men
This is the best youtube video I've seen all week: a couple of gay dads get to know they're gonna be grand fathers http://t.co/EdNG4SEd
I guess that TheNextWeb piece did get me a little extra attention, huh? Well, here I am, all swedish and authentic and stuff. Questions?
@settostun man, thats kind! Thank you, and merry christmas! Or merry flooding for us swedes, I guess...
Oh, and now it's raining. Thats great, Santa'll just have to use a jetski instead of his standard transportation system http://t.co/mf8HKjNf
@gvunson around 9-10 in the morning. And it's often cloudy. So we've got about 40 minutes of effective tanning time a day, I'd say.
@peroni0 well, personally, i dont plan on it in the near future. But as a spokes man for Sweden - I'm there already!
@Almashdly and it's only afternoon! Do you understand how extremely un-tanned swedes get during winter?
Do you guys even understand how dark it gets in Sweden around this time of year? This is how Stockholm looks at 4 pm: http://t.co/qt0B0gjS
According to their latest census, 0,3% of Pragues population identify themselves as Jedis. Wonder if "the force" in this case is vodka.
@swedense no, a separate thing. Musikhjälpen, you know. Wrote a piece on it on Ajour.se yesterday, can advice you to read it.
Right now, Swedens biggest underground web forum Flashback is collecting money for charity. It's indeed very beautiful and christmasy.
Update: SÄPO has now confirmed that the twitter account is fake. Well, I guess it was too good to be true anyway.
"Just hanging around in a sketchy bar, hiding my face behind a news paper with two holes in it."
I'm really looking forward to SÄPO's tweets though. "Trying out fake moustaches".
"Oh no, SÄPO is following me! I guess I'll just have to stop planning all my terrorist attacks on Twitter."
The swedish security service, SÄPO, is now on Twitter: @sapo_sverige. Imagine getting that email, "SÄPO is now following you..."
Do watch this video essay on the Spielberg face, that awed expression all his characters show when cool stuff happens: http://t.co/e45fxl4T
Reddit user asks porn sites worldwide to shut down in protest against american suggested internet law SOPA: http://t.co/KsIcKVQk
Don't know what to buy someone for christmas? Here's a tip: a huge beetle, dressed as a Jurassic Park-character! http://t.co/HlGYtvCn
Some dude just retweeted me, adding "only in Sweden". My work here is done!
Do you love web culture? Then don't miss out on my Spotify playlist "Absolut Internetz - music from the memes": http://t.co/fWLYAfRG
If your companys' phone service line greets me with "many are calling us right now, try later" and then hangs up on me - fuck you.
I guess it's a bit like me, except their tweets would actually be interesting.
In a marketing campaign, homeless Stockholmers are now equipped with phones and asked to use Twitter to tell about their everyday life.
Cooking a whole meal only using a knife makes you first feel really manly, but then, when you think about it, like a brute.
Went jogging today. 1,7 km. My chest hurts, my mouth feels as if I've used a piece of iron as chewing gum. Might need to do this more often.
If more people and companies had home pages like this, the world would be a more exciting place: http://t.co/1ju1X2oE
Tonight, I discovered Joe Cocker.
Intention: hug my girlfriend. Result: she dropped her glass of juice all over the couch. Chaos ensued.
Interesting when you forget to put a Google Hangout on "private", and random dudes starts to drop into your secret meeting.
@AnnieTranslator but it's hard to appreciate that when you're all about your own personal development
Sad that grandparents last years often take place when you're a teenager and thus to stupid to realize the treasures of knowledge they hold.
@AnnieTranslator oh yes, even if I kind of wished her last years wouldnt have corelated with my teenage years, when you're so self-indulged.
@gvunson oh, thank you. You're never ready to say those last things, even when you know you have to.
@ikkinenna our summers are wonderful! And I have a bathing platform just outside my door, which makes them even better.
I take joy in the fact that she was bright as a diamond, all the way up to her last hours. She was a truly amazing person, loved by many.
People get very old in this country, but no matter how old they are, it's never easy to loose someone close to you.
Just got word that my grand-grandmother passed away tonight, just days before her 100th birthday. She will be missed.
For your information: this is not how Sweden traditionally looks in december http://t.co/uG1d8pSF
@tommysollen I know, bought and viewed it the other day. Absolutely love the model of distribution!
You guys do know that Louis C.K, one of todays best stand-up comedians, is available on Spotify, right? http://t.co/bAJSgGio
Well, good night my dear swedish and none-swedish friends. Todays last fun fact: in swedish, it's "god natt"!
Last weeks biggest web & meme news - Google translated to english, for your pleasure: http://t.co/tQuGk8vr
Do you love the internets? I've written a piece about the last weeks biggest web virals and memes: http://t.co/cPlYwCBV
My clock's trying to make me believe it's only 4 pm. I think it's lying: http://t.co/p3NImy4Z
On mondays, you guys should follow @Dodsmaskinen, because then he retweets spoiled american kids under the hashtag #fuckyoudadmonday.
"When the pope dies, is he being fired or promoted?"
Prices of thousands of kronor (=hundreds of euros) per kg is reported. For butter. Seriously, WWII called and wants their black markets back
So, the mayor news story right now: the lack of butter in Norway. A black market has spawned, and butter is imported and selled ilegally.
I love it that my friend just commented another friends new HTC smartphone with "what kind of big iPhone is that?".
Drinking "glögg" (a kind of sweet wine-based swedish christmas beverage) at a friends place: http://t.co/CVWBZ8aE
That's like discovering that your right hand is killing tiny kittens without you knowing it, like while you're asleep.
I'll just be like "JESUS christ, that's terrible! Who the fuck are you? Get out of my head!"
I'll just be minding own business, doing nothing, and my brain's just "well have you heard this one Jack..."
Sometimes my brain's just frightening me to death. When it comes up with crazy racist jokes, for exemple.
Applying deodorant on the subway is great, the ladies think you're fresh. At least judging by the amount of looks I get.
@moisesjules ah, you're far too kind. I'm sure the next person up will be at least twice as witty and smart as I am.
@moisesjules i think we're reaching a maximum confusion level here. No - everything written on leet language!
I'm not sure this thing going on i Stockholm right now is even worthy of being called "weather".
Amazing interview with the social democrats party leader i todays Dagens Nyheter. It's very hard not to like him, after all.
@AdrianaNSC well, you just sing a totally irrelevant song about strange nonsense, and then you drink. Thats about it.
@Lojsanlojs personally, no. Not at all. I dont think I can be clear enough om this: I dont like Justin Bieber.
@AnnieTranslator yeah, I've seen it and it's very fitting. I think thats the exact confusion most foreign people feel around these things.
@Travelwriticus during winter time, they're questionable. You could expect hours of delay. But now there isnt much snow, so it might work.
I love how certain beers puts a huge smile on my face just through how they smell. That, my friends, is beauty.
@KalleOskar well, no, but explaining it makes it sound silly. "Well, we sing an irrelevant song before drinking liqeur and thats about it"
Explaining the songs us swedes sing before we drink snaps to an american is hard. It sounds totally ridicolous.
I adore the decadence that only 50 ml Absolut Vodka à $18 straight outta a minibar can create: http://t.co/dQ9SwZlL
Visiting a hotel that's so fancy I'd propably have to sell at least four vital organs to afford a beer. And that wouldnt even be a good one.
The thing I love the most about Sweden is not commuting on saturday nights, that's for sure.
When you're trying to find a place to eat, and the diversity of opinions in your company is so big you're googling "food"...
@mastefixapara i en vecka är det nog det. Det är ändå för mörkt för att ta schyssta skärmbakgrundsbilder av stan.
Well, ok, I'll swede the LOT of you: meat balls äre guud, änd naked girls make me sæy "jaa!".
Noting that this account has lost about 40 followers since I took over. AM I NOT SWEDISH ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!
Actually, I don't think George has any problems with the possible misinterpretations of this: http://t.co/5ZTzuUiZ
One hurt during demonstrations in Stockholm today. Her foot got run over by a police car by mistake. Sweden, country of the savages.
If i were just ten years younger, I'd build the shit out of these kids: http://t.co/2aT2NVxF
Kate Winslet and Leonardo diCaprio reenects their famous Titanic scene - in Lego: http://t.co/i3HUEGf2
Dubstep is the hangovers of music: intruding, a lot of people finds it highly uncomfortable, but it's still kinda cool.
@cary1961 welcome! But do you remember that scene in Day after Tomorrow when everything freezes? The people in Lapland laughed at it.
So, who are you guys? I mean, how many of you are swedes and thus as equally bad at english?
So, let us talk, minions. This is me, swedish marketer and writer, in my full glory: http://t.co/NBEyswcm
You're following me because you're interested in Sweden, right? Wrong! You're interested in what I do! Thats what you're interested in now.
Listen up, folks! I'm @kwasbeb, a regular swedish dude, and I'm taking over this goddamned account for a week! Expect bad sex and slapstick.
Googling "cool english words"...
Well, I guess I'm the one calling the shots for this account now.